Here’s how you can help

• Acceptance – Our children need to know they are loved for who they are. They need to know we accept their ambitions, recognise their strengths, weaknesses and recognise their feelings.

• Acknowledgement – We all need to be seen. Acknowledge what you see your child experiencing, just labelling the feeling can be liberating and affirming for anyone, your child included.

• Appreciation – Children need to be noticed; they need praise and encouragement. Help them succeed by breaking down large tasks into smaller ones and praise when they achieve them.

• Affection – Make sure you demonstrate affection towards your children right through their life and don’t stop as they get older. Our children see themselves in how we look at them so it is vital we show them respect, love, trust and affection.

• Accountability – Children need to know they are capable so when problems arise don’t interfere or lecture, but empathise with them and ask them how they think they can sort it out. Our questions help our children work things out themselves and develop strategies for the next time. They know they have choices and can fix problems on their own. This is extremely important in a peer group situation when you won’t be there to help.

• Responsibility – Give children age-appropriate chores because the ability to do things themselves boosts self esteem. True self esteem is the ability to pat themselves on the back – to know they have done the right thing or made the right choice.

• Balance – As human beings we are many things. Don’t focus on one thing to the detriment of all the other parts that make up that person.  Your child was born with a cleft, but it isn’t who they are.

Thanks to a presentation from John Cowan of Parents Inc for this material.